The Three Amigos
None are Professional Basketball Players
Surprised?

I remember that Sunday back in 1979 because it was one of the few times I succeeded at anything in the world of sports.  Shelly threw her 10 shots and then Lori and then I threw mine.  We stole the show and won first, second and third place!  Talk around school was about those Strawn girls.  They must be great basketball players.

But here is the rest of the story…

We had received  a call that Sunday afternoon and it seemed as if no one wanted to participate in the free throw contest for our age group. Dad made us go and being older, my sisters knew that the winner would have to compete at the state level and so they didn’t even try.  That explains how I won first place when I only made three out of ten shots!

This time of year, schools are holding awards assemblies and passing out certificates for accomplishments during the year.  I am not against award assemblies but I will say there are a couple of things to consider as a leader of a school.

First, ask yourself if one student will practically steal  every award given?  If so, plan on a nice little ceremony for his family.  It’s no fun sitting there, as a parent and definitely not as a classmate clapping for one kid.  Besides, the first time that kid meets failure, he won’t know what to do with his “perfect” self and it will give him a false security to think he is  better than everyone else.

Second, don’t create awards so that we as adults feel better about every kid having a false sense of accomplishment.  Kids can spot this type of trickery and it doesn’t mean anything to them if they didn’t earn it.

Third, consider ways to set individual goals with and for students or as a whole class that can be measured all year long.  Get involved in conversations with students, parents and community members that help students engage in meaningful learning experiences.  Intentionally set time aside to for student reflection and talk about effort and its relationship to the pay off.

Fourth, don’t make out a certificate for them when they are finished.  My certificate for winning the regional free throw contest was a joke because deep down I knew shooting a basket was not my strength.  The organization needed a winner more than I needed that certificate.  An alternative to the all school awards assembly is to celebrate small wins as the year progresses, reflect on what else needs to occur for success and continually connect the world to the learning and the learning to the world.

Success isn’t found in a trophy or a certificate.  Success is found when we know enough about our kids that we connect their strengths with information and experiences that helps each of them grow into the person they were meant to be.

Interested in talking more about this and other topics for school leaders?  Contact me at amyw@essdack.org

I started my teaching career in a 3 year old preschool classroom and quickly found that I was not cut out for teaching little people.  I think I did better with kids once the foundation was laid for them.  I could build on what they already knew, but it was difficult for me to figure out how to break things down into the simplest terms, especially when it came to reading.

Yesterday, I was in a kindergarten room and I was once again in awe of what the teacher had prepared for the day.  I could tell she had put thought and preparation into the activities to help these little ones learn beginning, middle and end sounds of words, count the syllables in words, recognize numbers and letters and create word families.  The list could go on.

I was taken in by all the excitement in the room and knew I wanted to be a part of it.  I fully realized my inadequacies and have to admit I had a flashback from my softball days when I attempted to throw someone out at first and the ball landed pretty close to third base.  I mean a girl needs to know her limitations.  Still, I really wanted to put myself into the action.

I chose a tiny girl working on counting syllables.  She seemed pretty harmless, almost pixie like and her face seemed sweet too.  I quickly scanned the activity, seemed easy enough, all I had to do is know the name of the pictures and if they had one or two syllables.

I went in.

As I squatted down, I said, “Hi, what are you working on today?”

She turned to me.  In those few seconds, I noticed she was even more precious than I first thought.  Then, in the most direct voice with the proper inflection and with a bit of a horrified look on her face, she said something that confirmed that I was indeed not in my element.

“Why is your nose sooooooo BIG?”

I ran from the room.  Silly girl.  I should have known to stick with with the big people.  At least they know how to bend the truth and talk behind your back.

One of those children was a very sweet, shy kindergarten girl who was so overwhelmed with the crowd she burst into tears.  This small child came right over to me and sat in my lap.  I tried to coax her back onto the risers to sing with her classmates.  I knew that her parents would be disappointed if she did not perform.  At least I knew that her mom would be upset.  I mean it’s a little embarrassing when the principal’s kid is sitting the program out.  I tried to talk myself out of the thought that people would judge me as a parent.  I mean who am I if I can run a school, but I can’t get my kid up there on stage to sing?

But, she wasn’t having any part of it.

This wasn’t the first time she wasn’t able to perform.  The year prior in preschool, she stood in the front row, smack dab in the middle and stared ahead without one word spoken.  It was only after everyone had left that she went to the microphone and sang the entire program to an empty room!  I watched from the hallway wishing someone else could have seen this performance.  She had a voice , but wasn’t ready to share it with everyone just yet.

Today, she shared her voice.

She had a special purpose.  This year, for her contest solo, she chose, Danny Boy, a song that reminded her of her grandpa, Danny.  She wanted a song that would be special for her grandmother as well, who had joined me in the audience and was so proud of her granddaughter’s song choice as a memorial for her grandpa.

I was ready once again with the video camera, this time I thought I just might capture something special.  And special it was!  As she started to sing, I found myself get that strange lump in my throat.  The lump was made up of mixed emotions of sadness and pride.

After her performance, one of the other mom’s recalled the kindergarten program and noted she had come a long way since back then.  I felt a little ashamed of myself for those feelings I had then.   

Finding your voice doesn’t happen when we, as parents, want it.  It happens when the time is right.  Yes, we may be able to coax our children, maybe even push them into helping them discover their gifts.  But it isn’t until they discover their own voice, that the true magic happens.

Seeing the excitement in my daughter’s eyes said it all.  She had discovered her gift and more importantly that her gift could bring joy to others!  It was a good day!

Side note:  Gracie received a I rating on her solo.  It didn’t matter to me what she received, but it was icing on the cake!

Proud of you Bug!  Keep singing!

Pulled up to the window, guy on headset peers from behind the girl at the window.  Thinking he felt the connection too. Then he did this awkward turn and tried to get out of sight.

Granted, I was probably twenty years older than him and I do have had this head cold thing that makes my face look similar to a chipmunk.

If only we could have had a few more minutes together at the speaker…

I sure do miss you.  It really still doesn’t seem real that you are no longer with us.  I know that you are in a better place and I know that you are not in pain, but selfishly, I just want to walk in your house and hear that familiar “Hey Kiddo!” followed by one of your hugs.  You sure did know how to give hugs!  We are all hugging each other a little tighter these days and I have to wonder if you left a bit of your wonderful hugs in each of us.

The days have been a bit of a blur.  I find myself doing the things I have done before but with little effort or joy.  I know that it will come back at some point, but right now it really feels like I am just faking it at life right now.  I didn’t put up my outside Christmas lights this year as that was “our thing” and I just couldn’t do it without you.  Grace wanted to do the luminaries this year though.  You would be proud of her hard work.  She filled all those bags with the help of a friend.  I think she wanted to do it well to honor you.

There has been a lot of that lately.  We had a big limb fall in our driveway and my sweet little daughter who likes to sleep to the last minute, climbed out of bed early so we could clear the drive before school.  She said she thought grandpa would be proud of us for doing physical labor.  It made me laugh because you know these two girls aren’t the physical labor types.  But you were, Dad!  I cannot believe how hard you worked in your life, always putting us first.  We noticed, Pops and are so very grateful for the lessons you’ve taught us!

I keep running into people that ask how mom is doing.  To tell you the truth, in many ways she is so strong, and in other ways she is just falling apart.    She has, in her grief, and in only a mother’s way, consoled each of us kids and your grandkids.  It is amazing how that love can put others first even when her heart has been broken. Boy does she love you, Pops! She has been busy with the business of Christmas, cleaning the house as if it has to be perfect this year.  Mom always has her house put together but this year is different.  It has to be PERFECT!  Still, there will be one very important piece missing when we all gather tomorrow.  Not sure if it will ever be the same.  The image of laughter and love will forever be etched into our hearts.  Your house gives me comfort, Dad because there are so many memories that occurred there, especially in the living room.  Oh, the conversations!  Some were hilarious, while others were serious life changing talks.  You always had a way of hearing our hearts! 

We will be going to the cemetery today to decorate your grave.  They put a temporary marker out for you until the permanent one comes in.  When I first saw it, I was sad to see it.  A reminder of a reality that I wish was not true.  But to have your name there, somehow gives you the honor you deserve.  There are so many things we could carve into your tombstone, FULL of love, unselfish, hilarious, honest, husband, father, friend.  But you know what, pops?  It seems like your name says it all.  Your name was synonymous with all these words and anyone that knew you was blessed by ALL that was you!

On this Christmas eve, I just want you to know that even though my heart aches for your presence, I know that you have equipped all of us with the tools to move forward.  The lessons you taught us have a new priority for each of us.  It is as if they are our purpose now.

One thing I always remember you saying when life was tough was you can’t do anything to change what happened, all you can do is move forward.

We are trying, Dad.

Moments that we want to last forever

Recently I had a GNO scheduled with my friends.  These nights are sacred because they offer so much to my well being, and so when the night rolled around, I asked if my daughter could hang out at my folks house for a few hours.  As it was, my mom was not home, so my daughter had some great one on one time with her grandpa.

They played cards, ate supper and I would guess she politely pretended that she had not heard any of his jokes and tried not to laugh before the punch line.  When I went to pick her up she was snuggled into a blanket alongside my dad on the couch watching TV.
They sure seemed to have enjoyed each other’s company and I believe having Grandpa to herself was a real treat for my daughter.

Playing cards with the “GRAND” parents

As we drove away from their house that night, the car was silent and it seemed my daughter was doing some thinking.  About halfway home, she said, “You know I wish I could figure out a way to make that man live forever!”

Me too, kiddo, me too!

GNO are a treat for me, but I think my daughter has figured out that she clearly is the one that benefits most!

Losing my dad a week and a half ago has left a huge hole in my heart as well as all of my other family members, including my daughter.  I got a card today from a very dear friend that said losing someone we love is an open wound that heals very slowly.  That is so true.  My dad was very special and I still feel him near me even though he is gone.

Tonight there was a little salve for this big open wound on my heart.  After my daughter finished taking her shower tonight, she burst from the bathroom with the biggest smile, looking for me.  She said, “Mom, before Grandpa died, I could never wink and he kept trying to teach me and I couldn’t do it.”  Just then she winked at me.  It was the most perfect wink, very similar to the one that made my mom’s knees weak when she was 16.

Grace fell into my hug and I said to her.  “It looks like Grandpa left his wink for you!”

Thanks Pops!  You always gave us the best and still are!

When I was younger, my mom would often say to me, “Honey, you don’t have to say everything that pops into your head!”

I think she gave up on me years ago.  I have learned over the years to reserve some of my thoughts, but for the most part if I think something needs to be said, I say it.

I appreciate this in others too.  I may not agree with what they have to say, but when we speak the truth, we know where we stand with each other.

Truth can be difficult to face at times.  I can recall the times when someone cared enough to point out what I couldn’t see for myself and when I have done the same for someone else.  When done for the right reasons, the truth really can set you free.

Today I am grateful for the truth!

As election day draws to a close, I am so very thankful for the many blessings of freedom in this great country, including the right to vote.

Today, I am grateful for my freedom!

I have had the blessing of my handful of friends in life.

In the 70′s, it was Karen.  We were always together and she is the friend that owns the earliest pieces of my history.

In the 80′s, it was Kerry.  Kerry and I traveled through high school together and made many memories with our big hair, lots of Taco Tico and Dr. Pepper.  We share the teenage secrets of crushes and breakups.

In the 90′s, it was Joan.  Joan was my first “grown up ” friend when I started teaching.  We shared living the single life, pretending to be adults and figuring out how to make it on our own.

Karen, Kerry and Joan along with my two sisters were the bridesmaids in my wedding. We can pick up right where we left off, no matter how much time has passed.

In the 2000′s, it has been my small group for Girls’ Night Out.  We share the blessings and burdens of parenthood, have watched our kids grow up way too fast and have celebrated and mourned their milestones.

I have been blessed with many strong women in my life.

Today, I am grateful for true friendships!

“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person.”
― Audrey Hepburn

“Laughter is the sound of the soul dancing. My soul probably looks like Fred Astaire.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t laugh.”
― Maya Angelou

“The human race, in all it’s poverty, has only one truly effective weapon- laughter. Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.”
― Mark Twain

Laughter soothes the soul.  I am fortunate to be surrounded by a family who laughs often.  Laughter says “don’t take yourself so seriously.”  Laughter says today just got better.

Today, I am grateful for the gift of laughter.